We're like a lot better than the average bears
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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