I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
