For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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