she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
