Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
