I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
