my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
