I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
