turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
