but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
a search helicopter?!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I need to calm my uterus...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
