My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
