No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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