Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
