Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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