Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
