I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
