oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
