Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
