omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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