i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
