Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
