We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
