I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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