I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
