can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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