i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
zippers are such a cool invention
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
