Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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