Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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