There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
