It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
