either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
