yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
