You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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