In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
