Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
