but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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