Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The beer is more important than you right now.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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