the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
