I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
