let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
