peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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