Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
