ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
