i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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