Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she pinky promised me she was 18
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
