Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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