i permit you to call me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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