sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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