shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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