I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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