Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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