I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
