thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
