Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
