Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
