I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
